The waters may get muddy, but eventually the dirt settles to the bottom. As has been happening since the dawn of time, lawyers (248.67) have finished below humans (255.1). So it is, so it has been, so it shall ever be. Amen. Spiny anteaters (264.0), of course, have evolved beyond the other competing species.
Also in line with the immutable stars, females (261.5) are better than males (254.69). The No Child (252.20) Left Behind legislation has clearly failed.
The average entrant this year has a score of 254.67, which is a huge drop from last year at this time (290.49). It appears Darwin never studied our contestants. The average commissioner's score is 236.50, which says something but we're not planning to expound upon it. Paid contestants score an average of 257.59, while once again non-paying participants (244.81) have shown they fail to pay for a very good reason.
Among technical professions, accountants (268.33) added things up better than engineers (268.11) and IT Consultants (255.0). Teachers (255.33) apparently only think they know more than students (260.88). The only other professionals worse than practicing attorneys (257.67) are members of the liberal media (249.67), whose slanted coverage has finally come back to haunt them. Retired people (243.33) should stay that way.
Among employers, Urban Engineering (261.0) and Conrail (261.0) are equivalent. They'll be swapping their staff any time now.
Regionally, Central NJ (263.0) beat out the Philadelphia suburbs (261.35) for the high ground. Such as it is. Western PA (257.4) edged the Beltway (253.0) and urban Philadelphia (246.83). If it's true that the South (246.36) is gonna rise again, they better start working on it.
In the turbulent Tag Team tussles, the Marshall Plan (281.5) beat back the Adams Family (275.33) for the spot of honor. The Donadios (263.0) finished ahead of the Ripley-Believe-It-Or-Nots (261.0) and Whiteside and people who don't like him so much (259.67). The D'Zurans (254.5) are safely ahead of the South Philly Playground Guys (248.0), and the Paston Brothers (236.0) are still giving thanks that the Lord created the Leach Gang (228.25).
It's a good year to be a John Doe (277.67). Rick (269.0) and Luke (269.0) tied among names ending in the "k" sound. Bob (265.5), Chris (263.5), David (261.5), Ken (258.5), and Ed (256.0) are above average names, while Brett (245.0), Matt (220.0), and Nick (218.5) should think about getting theirs legally changed.
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