Sunday, April 1, 2018

Rivalry Roundup

We have a president who appears to want to drag the country back to the 1950s, so perhaps it's appropriate that the theme for this year's rivalry report is Father Knows Best.

We have a bunch of parent/offspring matchups this year, and in almost every one Daddy administered a spanking. In no particular order, D Josephs (252) reddened commissioner M Josephs's fanny (188), by 64 points; J Donadio (262) gave similar treatment to L Donadio (37 points now, but 77 points if Villanova wins); R Schlegel (259) gave it to L Schlegel (220) by 39 points (though the youngin' might eke out a 1-point win if Villanova takes the crown tomorrow); J McAtee (218) whooped M McAtee's behind (185), by 33; and Leach Gang patriarch Ed Leach (245) not only smacked around his son, P Leach (222), but also his grandchildren (Sam Leach (219); Mad Leach (191); and Elle Leach (241)), his favorite TV show (Mash Leach (191), and even the family dog (Leo Leach (185)). For his part, P Leach (222) participated in the dad-fest, disproving both daughter Mad Leach's (191) proclamation that she would "beat [her] dad," and daughter Sam Leach's (219) claim that she's "the best" in the Leach delegation.

Two fathers showed favorites, as R Wanger (242) took the belt to his daugher (K Ripley (216)) but failed to discipline his son (M Wanger (254)), and C Whiteside (227) went the other way, giving the business end of a birch whip to his son (J Whiteside (209)) but letting his daughter off the proverbial hook (B Whiteside (260)).

In our various sibling rivalries, Sam Leach (219) bested Mad Leach (191); M Wanger (254) vanquished K Ripley (216); and B Whiteside (260) added injury to insult by claiming "Jack stinks" and then trouncing her twin brother (J Whiteside (209)) by 51 points.

Only a few cases of spousal abuse this year, as D'Zuro (253) beat wife K Sullivan (233); P Ripley (228) got the better of wife K Ripley (216); and M Peloso (243 + Villanova) smacked around hubby B Peloso (240).

Among the deep annual grudges we indulge, K Ripley (216) declared her sole purpose was to beat her husband, brother, and dad, but as reported above she did none of those things. B Peloso (240) took bragging rights from K Sullivan (233). And Booth (193) didn't even make it a contest against C Whiteside (227).

Baumgarten (234 and 227), Templeton (220 and 186), and Biebel (256, 228, 226, and 218) all took turns beating themselves. We're not privy to the details of the relationship between Marshall (221) and Burch (221), but the two ended up in a tie.

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