T-T-Tag Team Tallies

A lot of close races this year, starting with our annual Tag Team competition, which is currently in a dead heat. Whiteside and his Detractors average an outstanding 272.0 points, but so does a new group, Members of DBR (272.0). Trailing the co-leaders are the Ripley Believe-it-or-nots (261.0), just ahead of the Donadios (258.0). Last year's shocking winner, the Leach Gang (250.20) has begun to descend toward its natural position, although at the moment the Gang currently leads the D'Zuro Group (249.83) and the Urban Engineers (249.67), both by less than a point. Secure in the cellar, 16+ points behind even the Leaches, is the Kornfeld Confab, averaging an embarrassing 233.67 points.

EDIT: We apologize to the Alliterative Acchiones (259.67) for forgetting to add their team score in the above paragraph. The Acchiones themselves will have to apologize for finishing less than ten points ahead of the Leaches.

We'd offer to apologize for also forgetting to include the Big Mc's (245.33), but with their score, we assume they'd rather thank us.

Males (256.97) are skating just three and a half points ahead of females (253.47), despite the ladies occupying two of the top three spots in the standings. Humans (256.34) have scratched and clawed their way above Felines (256.0) by a mere third of a point while Lawyers (248.20) and Spiny Anteaters (240.0) trail both. Bureaucratic corporate departments (181.0) probably don't even deserve to be part of this discussion.

In the name game, Andrew (272.0) and Chris (272.0) are tied for tops, just ahead of Ed (269.0) and Randy (268.0). If you're thinking of naming your next child Al (261.50), David (261.40), Mike (261.0), Nick (260.0), Luke (260.0), John (259.80), Rick (259.0), or Kevin (258.50), just go ahead and flip a coin. When it comes to picking pools, they're all more or less equivalent (eight names within 3 points of each other). If you're contemplating naming your future offspring George (252.0), Bob (247.60), Brett (244.67), Fred (243.0), Colin (239.0), or Matt (238.0), we recommend birth control.

When it comes to favorite colleges, our top four performances all came from schools who entirely missed the NCAA Tournament: Washington (286.0), Duquesne (279.0), Pittsburgh (277.50), and Delaware (277.0). Arch-rivals North Carolina (268.0) and Duke (267.88) are separated by an eyelash, while ACC would-be-rival Maryland (265.7) is carrying their bags. Indiana (273.0) rules the Big 10 over Penn State (256.25), Northwestern (242.0), and Michigan (210.0), while Pitt (277.50) leads the Big East over Villanova (259.50), UConn (253.0), and Syracuse (216.0). Only three of the Philadelphia Big Five are represented, and this year's trophy goes to Temple (262.22) over Villanova (259.50) and Penn (252.50). Drexel (255.0), who really wants to be in the Big Five but realistically never will be, can still compete. Among Division III schools, Widener (268.0) controls the landscape over Johns Hopkins (247.0) and Carnegie Mellon (168.0). We have no Kentucky fans in our contest, but the other members of last year's Final Four -- UConn (253.0), Butler (243.0), and VCU (239.5) -- all showed why they're not back again this season.

When it comes to gambling acumen, Washington DC (272.0) may not be a state, but other than Louisiana (282.0), it's the best we got. Maryland (261.33) and California (259.33) are slightly better than Pennsylvania (257.34), and a lot better than New Jersey (252.0), Florida (251.0), and Illinois (248.0). Next year, if you feel the urge to fill in a pool from New York (245.67), Michigan (244.0), or Virginia (242.80), we recommend you ignore it. And if you live in Delaware (209.0), you might as well just mail your check now.

Among Pennsylvanians, both Philadelphia (232.25) and Pittsburgh (266.67) have to bow down to the "Alabama inbetween" (274.0). Philadelphia's PA suburbs (256.97) have edged ahead of the NJ suburbs (256.0). Around the nation, the Far West (259.33) has a better angle than the Deep South (257.20), while the DMV (248.30) has boasting rights over the Midwest (246.0). Apparently there's little difference between Africa (240.0), New York City (239.50), and the Afterlife (236.0).

Computer professionals (277.33) and Writers (275.0) seem to know what they're doing. Accountants (266.0) can jiggle the numbers a little better than Engineers (258.57) and those in the Financial industries (248.67). Teachers (279.0) should command the respect of Students (248.13), but we all know better, don't we? People who think they know things, like Executives (252.0) and Attorneys (248.20), probably ought to consider Retirement (257.75).